Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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