Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
