my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
