Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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