So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
