My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
