Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Can I color on your dick again?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
