If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
