wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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