It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
