I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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