I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Just puked most of my soul out..
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