no, he came in my armpit
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
