i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
