youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
