Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
this just has baby written all over it
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
