I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So much rum. So many feels.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
