the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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