I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
