when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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