And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
