cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
