R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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