I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
