im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
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