Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
