I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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