batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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