i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
