I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
