yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
