I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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