I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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