yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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