dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
where are you?
Hypothermia
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
