For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize