Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
