I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
