Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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