I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
