No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
