like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
