Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Enjoy the penises
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
