ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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