Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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