First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
