ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
