im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
