Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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