i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
