Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize