I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
