i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
