Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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